Dreaming of arguing in Buddhism: meaning
Buddhism calls anger one of the three poisons of the mind. A well-known image says: holding on to anger is like picking up a hot coal to throw at someone else; you are the first to get burned. An argument dream shows where that coal lies.
Within this tradition
In Buddhist psychology greed, hatred and delusion are the three poisons that cause suffering. Anger falls under hatred, and Buddhism looks at it soberly: it is not a character flaw, but a habit of the mind you can learn to recognise. A dream in which you argue shows that habit in miniature.
The Buddha spoke of the second arrow. The first arrow is what happens to you: a hurtful word, an injustice. The second arrow you shoot yourself: the brooding, staying angry, the conversation you keep having over and over. Many argument dreams are that second arrow, repeated at night. Recognising it is already a first step towards letting it drop.
The antidote is metta, loving-kindness. After an argument dream many Buddhists practise a short metta meditation, first for themselves and then for the person they argued with in the dream: may you be happy, may you be free from suffering. That is not approval of what happened, but letting go of the coal.
According to the Milindapañha many dreams arise from what occupies the mind during the day. An argument dream in a tense period is then above all the mind discharging tension.
Common variations
Arguing with someone who hurt you during the day
Often the second arrow: the brooding that continues at night.
Waking up angry
A moment to notice the anger without going along with it.
Arguing with yourself
Two sides of the mind colliding. Look at it with compassion.
Staying calm while the other shouts
Equanimity growing, or a longing for it.
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Write your dream in the appFrequently asked questions
What are the three poisons?
Greed, hatred and delusion: the three habits of the mind that according to Buddhism cause suffering.
What is the second arrow?
The suffering you add yourself by brooding and staying angry, on top of what happened to you.
How does metta help after an argument dream?
By wishing kindness to yourself and the other person, you let the anger drop without approving what happened.